It all still feels like a dream. After trying to grow our family for three years and losing three precious babies along the way, our prayer has been answered. As I type this, I am still in utter amazement that I was chosen to be this little one's mama. It is such a humbling experience, one that I will never take for granted.
Back in February, I was preparing to start a round of Clomid and like every month, I decided to pee on a stick -- just to see. And the faintest of faint lines appeared, so I naturally I texted a picture to one of my dearest friends and we both agreed it was just my imagination. So, the next day, I took another one. It was a little darker but not much. I repeated this for about four days until I saw a very definite blue line. I finally let my darling husband in on this very exciting and scary secret. Once we agreed it was definitely positive, I rang the doctor and a process I was oh so familiar with began. Blood tests were scheduled for every 48 hours to see if my HCG levels were rising. Well, here's the thing... in the past, they always went down. So when they called me and told me they had more than doubled, I barely believed them. From that point forward, everything has been textbook. At my 12 week appointment, my doctor looked at my and said, "At this point, you can enjoy your pregnancy like you never had any issues in the past." And just like that, I felt like I had graduated from a prison of heartbreak and disappointment.
While, for the most part, this pregnancy has been "textbook," I find myself fighting fear more often than I would like. Some days I just feel like it's too good to be true. But I am reminded that this little girl is a gift from God. Yes, you read that right... it's a GIRL!
My heart is so very full and I am counting down the days until October. In the meantime, I am obsessing over every little and not-so-little kick, sweet baby shoes, and what color to paint the nursery. I can't believe this is my life, and goodness, I wouldn't change a thing.
God is good and I am so humble and grateful that I am able to experience this gift.
Thank you to all of those who have prayed with me, for me and for this sweet baby. I believe whole-heartedly she is a miracle and direct answer to prayer.
XO,
B
